"Because I'm Rich"

In the 1984 movie "All of Me,"wealthy, wheelchair bound Edwina (Lilly Tomlin) asks Roger (Steve Martin), "Guess what I'm going to do?"

"What?" he replies.

"I'm going to come back from the dead."

"Aaahhhh. And what makes you think you can do that?"

Her answer is as simple as it is profound, "Because I'm rich."

I thought of that scene Easter Sunday when I read a front page article in the Washington Post entitled "Tech Titans' Latest Project: Defy Death." Why it was on the front page on Easter Sunday is anyone's guess. Resurrection envy?

The still relatively young men--and it's all men--who have made gazillions of dollars out in Silicon Valley apparently refuse to allow death to cheat them out of enjoying those gazillions and are giving money hand over fist to assorted scientific and medical researchers who believe there is a way to extend their lives almost infinitely.

Emphasis on "their lives." Oh, you and I get to join the everlasting party if we, like the tech boys and Edwina, can answer, "And what makes you think you can do that?" with, "Because I'm rich." None of the treatments will be covered by Medicare.

And there's certainly something attractive to the notion of living for 150, 250, 500 years--as long as we still had the bodies of--what?--thirty- or even fifty-year-olds. Attractive at least on the surface. But as scholar and bioethicist Leon Kass argued in his essay "Ageless Bodies, Happy Souls,"immortality in this life or even the artificial prolongation of this life has more than a few downsides.

Kass writes, referring to another essay he wrote:

...living with our finitude is the condition of many of the best things in human life: engagement, seriousness, a taste for beauty, the possibility of virtue, the ties born of procreation, the quest for meaning. ...the pursuit of perfect bodies and further life-extension will deflect us from realizing more fully the aspirations to which our lives naturally point, from living well rather than merely staying alive. ...a concern with one’s own improving agelessness is finally incompatible with accepting the need for procreation and human renewal: a world of longevity is increasingly a world hostile to children. Moreover, far from bringing contentment, it is arguably a world increasingly dominated by anxiety over health and the fear of death.

A good life after mid-life, as I say in my book, is not about cheating old age, but about making the most of every state of our lives including the days when we're forced to slow down and slow down and slow down.

"Old and In the Way"

It seems passing strange to me, but Washington, DC has an all bluegrass radio station. If you're in the area or want to listen online, it's WAMU's Bluegrass Country 105.5.

Anyway I hit the preset and they were playing one of my favorites: "Old and in the Way" from the album of the same name featuring an all star team of David Grisman (who wrote it), Jerry Garcia, Vassar Clements, John Rowan, and John Kahn.

I quote the chorus in my book Pears, Grapes, and Dates: A Good Life After Mid-Life because I thing it sums up how many of us can begin to feel as time catches up with us. Here's the chorus plus the two verses:

ChorusOld and in the way, that's what I heard them say
They used to heed the words he said, but that was yesterday
Gold will turn to gray and youth will fade away
They'll never care about you, call you old and in the way 

Once I hear tell, he was happy
He had his share of friends and good times
Now, those friends have all passed on
He don't have a place called home
Looking back to a better day, feeling old and in the way
[chorus] 

When just a boy, he left his home
Thought he'd have the world on a string
Now the years have come and gone
Through the streets he walks alone
Like the old dog gone astray, he's just old and in the way
[chorus]

The saddest lyric from my point of view is "He don't have a place called home." The increased individualism in our culture and in our families makes no place called home more and more of a danger. And loneliness will kill you.

As I say in the book, the need to connect with people our own age and of all other ages is a top priority for a good life after mid-life. So don't wait.

Living to be 100

Somehow on Easter Sunday the Washington Post and Parade magazine published articles about living  longer. Hmmmm.

In "Cheater's Guide to Living to 100," Parade featured a new book by journalist Dan Buettner called The Blue Zone Solutions: Eating and Living Like the World's Healthiest People. In addition to talking about eating smart, Buttoner proposes three other solutions that parallel the ideas in my book Pears Grapes and Dates: A Good Life After Mid-Life.

1) Find your tribe--that is, have roots. "Who you hang out with trumps just about everything else when it comes to your health," writes Buttoner. As we get older we need our old friends. We also need, I think, new friends--particularly new, younger friends.

Yesterday we had Easter dinner with our nephew and his family. How refreshing to spend the afternoon with a young couple and their 4-year-old, 3-year-old, and 18-month-old. Between dinner and dessert we walked to the park, chatted, and pushed the kids on the swings. A day well spent.

2) Seek a Purpose. And that purpose has to go beyond entertainment and "spending my kids' inheritance." It is sad to watch people--regardless of their age--entertaining themselves to death. There's no surprise in a study cited in the article indicating, "Having a purpose in life provides a buffer against mortality, no matter your age." It will keep us from feeling "old and in the way" as I put it in my book.

3) Move It. Those who live long don't so much exercise as, "their lifestyles encourage physical activity." That's related to purpose: gardening, baking, walking to the store, chasing grandchildren, walking the dog.

There's a great future in store if we'll grab it and run.

Check out the free download of the first chapter of Pears Grapes and Dates: A Good Life After Mid-Life at my website.