Schralping the Gnar

Next Tuesday is my birthday and to celebrate I’m going skiing on Wednesday. Liberty in Pennsylvania will be a warm up for skiing with my son next month at Winter Park in the Rockies.

Speaking of the Rockies, three years ago while skiing at Vail, a group of us—all guys—watched a skiing video that showed us the truth about our identities. As it turns out March, Dave, and I are actually 23-year-old extreme skiers trapped in the bodies of middle-aged men. Who would have guessed?

Since none of us is adept at skiing off cliffs or doing back flips in order to get a read on the avalanche just behind us, we decided to live out our identities as best we could by adopting the one thing we could adopt without serious injury: the vocabulary.

Great skiing was no longer "Far out," or  “Really cool,” or “Totally awesome,” or even “Totally rad.” Great skiing is “Totally sick!” as in, “Dude, those freshies back there are totally sick!”

Freshies are areas of new, untracked show where, if it’s deep and powdery, that is, if it’s deep pow-pow, you get facies—snow flying up into your face. Freshies are one of skiing’s greatest experiences even if you have to go timber bashing to get them.

Skiing untracked snow or snow that hasn’t been mechanically groomed is “Schralping the gnar” as in "gnarly." Skiing groomed snow is “Schralping the cord” as in corduroy, the pattern left by the groomers as they drive up and down the slope.

Did talking like 23-year-old extreme skiers help middle-aged bodies ski better? Maybe it did. While I’m not encouraging anyone of any age to adopt the attenuated language skills of too many young people, it’s still true that if you talk like an old person—complaining, rehearsing doctors appointments, discussing ailments, remembering the good old days that never were, pointing out things you can't do—it will only encourage you to feel like an old person. If, on the other hand, you put a youthful spin on things, it can only help you to schralp whatever trail is in front of you with greater aplomb and élan. 

And if you’re going to Liberty next Wednesday, let me know. We'll schralp with the best of them.