Divorce After Mid-Life

In 2010, more than 600,000 people over the age of 50 got divorces.

A new study by the Center for Family and Demographic Research at Bowling Green State University found that the divorce rate for those over 50 doubled between 1990 and 2010. In fact, in 2010, one quarter of all divorces were to people over 50.

While it's not clear what specifically has caused the rise, researchers have some suggestions that are noted in the study.

First, because of earlier divorces, many over 50 are on second or even third marriages, that is, marriages that, according to the study, have a failure rate 2.5 times greater than first marriages.

Second, divorce is more accepted in society and, according to other studies, divorce tends to be contagious. If the people around you are divorcing, it becomes a more attractive option.

Third, more and more women work and women who work are financially able to go it alone.

Fourth, "lengthening life expectancies decrease the likelihood that marriages will end through death and increase the length of exposure to the risk of divorce."

Most important, the study points out that the meaning of marriage has changed from a life-long commitment to a commitment contingent on having my needs met. Or you could say we've gone from marriage "for as long as we both shall live" to "for as long as we both shall love" or at least (given no-fault divorce) until one of us is finished with the relationship. "Life-long marriages," they note, "are increasingly difficult to sustain in an era of individualism and lengthening life expectancies...."

So how do we keep our marriages from being among the casualties? By undoing the probable causes. Define your marriage as life-long. Remember it's "ours" not mine and even if you can go it alone, don't. Hang around with people who are happily married. I suspect marital satisfaction is contagious as well.

Old friends in their fifties recently got divorced. What a disaster for the two of them, their married and unmarried adult children, for sons-in-law and daughters-in-law, and for all those grandkids.

In contrast, a couple at church recently celebrated their 70th anniversary. I want Dottie and me to be like them.